Back To Work :-(

I didn't go back to work...but the Hubz did today :-(

He got 2 weeks off for paternity leave & it ended today. I could tell he was sad. Not only did he enjoy being home & being able to relax & do nothing, but he got to spend time with his new Baby Girl...oh & me.

We really didn't do much at all, but it was nice. We liked not HAVING to HAVE to do anything. Sometimes I think we all need that. Plus, we just laid around enjoying getting to know our precious Angel. It was amazing!

I know in a few weeks I'm going to have to go back to work too. I don't know how I'm going to handle being away from Kiana. I'm trying not to think about it right now. I'm praying we win the lotto so then neither of us ever have to work again & we can just be home with your Baby Girl. LOL!

But for now, I'm just going to focus on spending time with Kiana while I can. I'm going to try & develop a schedule with her the best I can (I know that is pretty impossible with newborns but we will try) & keeping the house clean, cooking for Joe & of course job searching (thats another story for another day though).

But right now as my precious Angel is asleep, I should be doing some more cleaning. But I just needed some time to get a few things off my chest & just express how much I miss Joe right now. I know he is missing Kiana like crazy right now too & that makes me even more sad. Poor guy :-(

I'M A MOMMA NOW :-D

CONGRATS TO ME BECAUSE I'M A MOMMA...FINALLY!

Yes on June 30th, 2010 at 6:30am, I gave birth to the most gorgeous baby girl, Kiana Jo Branson! She weighed in at 7lbs & 10 oz & was 21 inches long!

On Monday the 28th, my water broke, but it was more of a leak. So I went to the hospital because I was going to be induced anyways the next day (Kiana was due on my birthday & obviously that came & went) but they sent me home saying it wasn't my water (but come to find out...it was). Then at 2:30am on the 29th, my water really broke. But I didn't rush to the hospital. I called my Mom a few times wondering "Is this really it? Should I go?" I didn't know because I didn't want to be sent home again, but at about 5:00am I finally decided to go & got everything ready & me & Joe & my Mom headed to the hospital.

I wasn't having any contractions so they gave me some of those drugs to push things along. I didn't want any pain meds or the epidural but I ended up doing just that. I was in labor for freaking 28 hours & I was shaking like a psycho with pain. Plus my Hubby was getting way too upset seeing me in pain, he begged me to do the epidural...so I did. I'm glad I did too, I still felt pain while pushing Kiana out, but not as bad. So finally my little girl joined the world at 6:30am.

I have to say, Inland Valley was an amazing hospital & all the nurses were so amazing to me! They were so nice & helpful, I really enjoyed it there-so to speak-because of how amazing that staff was! If you are a Momma to Be in this area, go there to have your baby...you won't regret it!

But anyways, June 30th was the best day of my life! As soon as I laid my eyes on here I immediately thought, "She is a tiny Joe!" I even said it! Then I looked at my Husband & the both of us were just a mess of tears & just saying how much we loved each other & how much we loved her & thanking each other for making her...it was without a doubt the best moment in my life. I am sure Joe would agree as well.

Now that I have Kiana, I know what true love is. I have such a deep & unconditional love her for & for Joe. Nothing in this world matters more to me then her & Joe. They are my life, my heart, my everything. I never want to know a world without either of them. I wonder all the time now, "How did we ever live without Kiana?" I feel like she should have been in our lives a long time ago. She is perfect & wonderful & sooooo beautiful. I just stare at her constantly thinking I am so blessed & so beyond lucky. What did I do right in this world to deserve her? She is definately my little Angel.

I also feel a deeper love & connection with my parents because I now know exactly how they feel about me & my brother. I always knew they loved us more than anything, but now I know how that feels because what I feel for Kiana is what they feel for me. I also now know what they meant when they have said for years & years, "You'll understand when you have kids of your own..." yep...I do understand Mom & Dad :-)

Even though I have only been a Momma for 2 weeks, its by far the best thing I have ever done. Its the best job & title I will ever have. I am very excited to be a Momma for the rest of my life. Kiana is amazing & she continues to just make me & Joe smile & laugh with every little thing she does. I am very excited for this journey of parenthood & I could not ask for a better partner in this either.

38 Weeks & No Baby...YET

Wow. Its been awhile since I have blogged. But a lot has gone on that has kept me from doing so, so I will try & update a bit.

Right when I hit 36 weeks, I went on my pregnancy paid leave (the 4 weeks leading up to the birth). I didn't orginally plan on doing so, but I was getting more & more uncomfortable at work. I didn't feel like I was being very supported by some of the higher ups either so I know for my own sanity I needed the time off. I'm actually hoping to find a new job before my maternity leave is up because I haven't been happy there in a really long time. I'm still going to school to be an ultra sound tech, but I still need a job while in school so I'd like to find something better where I am more happy & maybe even some more money if possible.

Anyways, being off has been great. I have been able to finish up my "nesting" & get things done that are easier to do during the week & not during the weekends. I was doing a little bit of errands & cleaning everyday until last week when I almost passed out in Wal Mart from the heat. So lame I know. But now Joe & my Mom have ordered me to not be doing anymore errands alone. So I still clean up the house everyday, which gives me some contractions daily which is nice because I want this baby out!

I'm due June 26th, but I just don't see that happening. I just know in my heart I'm going to go til 42 weeks & then they'll induce me. I rather not be pregnant that long, especially with all the pain I am feeling now. I hurt everyday all day long. I can't even sit or lay down comfortably. I barely sleep at night, I probably get 2 hours of sleep at night & I try to nap during the day to get some rest. But that doesn't always happen either because I can't get comfortable.

I feel bad complaining because I have actually enjoyed being pregnant, I'm just done with it now. LOL! I am ready for my baby to get here & slowly but surely get my body back! I have really enjoyed this whole journey, but I am ready for it to be over so I can actually start being a Mom!

Baby Shower

 

On May 8th, 2010 my wonderful parents threw me & Joe an amazing Baby Shower! They always out do themselves! I can't wait to see them as Grandparents! They are both thrilled beyond belief about this baby girl! I have always been so blessed to have such amazing parents & now Kiana is going to be very blessed to have the most amazing Grandparents :-)

The Baby Shower included mostly family from both mine & Joe's sides & a few friends. We registered at Target & Babies R Us & oh my word we got a lot of stuff! I am so thankful for every gift we got because it is going to help us out in such a huge way! We pretty much have everything we need now! I am very excited to be able to dress her up in all the adorable outfits everyone got her! I don't know when I will ever have to buy clothes or diapers! LOL!

To everyone who came to the Baby Shower, thank you so much! Joe & I both appreciate it soooo much! More than you can know! Thank you for all the amazing gifts you brought for our Kiana, we are so grateful for everything! Thank you...a million times, thank you!

I also need to thank Uncle Tom & Auntie Shelli for providing the amazing food! Uncle Tom's BBQ is always outstanding & so it Auntie Shelli's cooking! I know how much my parents appreciated their help but I appreciate it too, so thank you guys! Oh & of course, thank you to my amazing parents for throwing the shower for us! As always, you did amazing & I can't begin to thank you & tell you how much we love you & appreciate all you do for us! I love you guys & thank you :-)

Maternity Photoshoot

On Sunday May 2 2010 (I was 32 weeks), Joe & I went & did the infamous "Maternity Pictures" with Anna Little (annalittlephotography.com). She also did my wedding pictures & if I ever need a photographer, I will always use her. She does such an amazing job & she makes it fun too. Obviously, Joe & me aren't models, but she is fun & just goes with the flow & really makes taking pictures painless.

I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do these pictures because I am not too big on showing off my belly (its extremely white & has a few stretch marks, naturally) & I haven't felt pretty in weeks. I know it sounds vain, but I am sure all women (especially any who have been pregnant) can agree its hard to make yourself take pictures. But Joe talked me into it & I am glad he did.

The pictures turned out amazing! I am not posting any of the bare belly pictures (not going to do it) but I have posted some of the ones I really liked. I have more on my Facebook page & of course I have a billion that she took at home. I still need to go print some & get these frames, but I need Joe to sit down with me & pick out the ones he wants to frame.

So here are some...take a look if you care!

Stress :-(

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

That is something I have to keep reminding myself daily it seems. I get mad at that expression sometimes, especially now because I can't really SEE what that reason is yet. But I have to know that deep down inside, that reason will sprout up & I will go "Oh ok...I get it." But until that day, I am pretty frustrated.

Things have changed pretty rapidly for us. I just know that at some point I am going to look back & wonder why I was ever worried or stressed in the first place. I hope that day comes soon. I am tired of not being able to shut off my mind for a few hours so I can sleep. Ever get like that? Your mind is just going & going & you can't shut it off long enough to relax or even sleep. I hate it. Thats how I have been lately & its starting to wear me down.

Joe & my future baby are my constant reminders of what is most important in life. I know that & I love them for it. But I still can't shake the stress or the worry sometimes. I want to be able to for them so I can do better for them & not be this insane, stressed out mess. Its not good for Kiana either. She doesn't deserve it. I hope she doesn't end up like me in this sense. I want her to be more carefree like her Daddy, thats for sure.

30 Weeks Down...7-10 Weeks To Go!

Holy crap! In about 7 to 10 weeks I will officially be a Mom!

Am I scared? Hell yes! Am I excited? Hell yes!

Just this weekend I got to go visit my friends the Lawlers (I love you guys!) & Ashley just gave birth to her 3rd child, Brooklyn Grace, & I got to meet her & it really just made all of this so real!

I held Joe's little cousin Kalia when she was just 2 hours old, but I wasn't close to being a Mom. It was amazing, but it also didn't make me go, "Holy crap!"

Holding Brooklyn, I just kept thinking that in a matter of weeks I will be holding a teeny tiny little baby that Joe & I made. She will be ours. All ours. I'm so excited & also scared in a lot of ways too. I don't want to mess up, I don't want to do wrong by her. I'm responsible for her & the woman she will eventually grow up to be. I'm scared & excited...but I don't know what emotion is taking over me the most. I think it is pretty equal at this point.

All I ever wanted in life was to be a great Mom & a great Wife. I can't really answer if I'm a great Wife (ask Joe) but I strive for greatness & I'm going to continue to strive for greatness in my Mommy duties. I just want this little girl to know she is loved by me & Joe more than anything & we are always here for her & we will just do our best to guide her down the right path in life.

I'm praying a lot more these days. I keep praying she comes out healthy & happy & I think the rest will fall into place. Everyone says that I will just KNOW how to be a Mom when she gets here...I hope they are all right!